Amazingbiscuit, Amazing Grace

Following after Christ... is to give up everything in surrender... not because I'm forced to but because I love to.... I am convinced..

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Location: N/E, Singapore

living to die...

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  • Tuesday, October 31, 2006

    FMA

    What does it mean to create an enviroment for the prophetic spirit to flow?

    I know the whole concept of the alabaster Jar is really romantic... Its really nice to be with Jesus and tell him that you love him.... Yes.. But Jesus said that it was also really nice because the people had him for a time only... So to keep coming to love him... and love him and say we love him and sing we love him.. to pray we love him.. to prohesy and tell us that he loves us.. is too one sided.. The context is such....

    THink about it... If someone keeps telling you that Jesus loves you, you are special... (sounds familiar)..
    And this repeats for every prophetic thing... then the question is... Have i forgotton or do I really believe that I am special...

    I know I am special... This may not be of good fruit... but it is discerning.. think about it?

    Besides.. its a school of music and music is not equal to worship and worship is not equal to music.. lest we worship music...

    International Man of mystery






    How old is he? That is the question..But nevertheless. Here’s to a running buddy… who never seems to slow down… a man who can talk…. A guy who is going to get married! I hope at least. Funny though… Deb and me thought he was a secret agent …. Cause he leaves without us knowing to exotic places.. he is seen with different women whom we don’t know.. he is uncontactable with a private number.. Drives Bmer… Trains and keeps fit…..

    He is Johnny English nemesis….. Haha!

    But well… may you eventually tell us your Age!

    Actually I thought of a good reason… Consider this… Only being in this world whom no one knows the age of is God… So unless you are God….. well… you better reveal it.. haha
    COuldn't find a better picture... But trust you see the similarities.. The ears... the eyebrows.. the nose is the only odd one... But that can be fixed!!!
    Cheers

    Jack

    So today I went to school. Had to sit down for my CE project on CE through the history. It was interesting… for CE is far more than methods. It struck me… “If the Education system in Israel was really that good… why did they fall” Perhaps we can consider this. How is Christian education effective? Perhaps the teaching in Church is good and there is learning. However with 15 minute sermons and 1 hr Sunday schools how much can this do? The real sphere of learning and what shapes a man is outside. If Christian Education is effective, the realm of learning would proceed even as the person leaves church to engage with God in learning in the world. Walter Brueggeman writes that we need to have a nurture that is commanded that produces adults who know so well who they are that they value and celebrate their oddity in the face of every seductive and powerful imperial alternative. In other words, out identity. Can you imagine a prosperity Gospel? Everyone rushing to claim a blessing? Its my right what… The Devil has no right to bully me. God says he will provide all my needs. What difference would that make for the many people who go to temples for 4D? The certainty of the promise of prosperity? Consider this.. Some temples are more favoured because they are more accurate. Some people go to churches because God’s prescence is more real. How do you measure that?

    Anyway.. We finished the discussion…. And I hopped along to Spinelli’s thanks to Germaine’s ride. I sat to write and type. Then I went down to the bay to sit. To talk to God … TO be quiet. But was just too tired. Too many thoughts. Like people pray too much but don’t do anything.. All that sort of stuff.. A friend called and we talked….

    I sat for a while till I saw that picture. then this guy came… His name was Jack. He started asking me about Sentosa and if he could walk there… Walk there!??!?! Er, no.. So I invited him to take a seat. Chatted with him and found out that he was from Qingdao.. He was here as a foreign exchange student doing his Hotel Management course at King’s hotel, being paid a paltry sum of $300 a month!. But well.. SO I took him to Zion Road Market, via the free shuttle service by great world City and we ate Char Kway Teow and Oyster Omelette. Nice…

    And talked.. I found out that he was a Christian but he does not say Grace.. It was not a practice or so he claims. And we talked about Taiwan and China. For me I’m pro-Taiwan… But he says something else striking.. If during the Qing Dynasty, part of Russia and all were conquered by China… why did China not want Russia back? Because they were not Han Chinese. But Taiwan is… They were Han Chinese whom they considered as brothers and sisters. I said though.. But they don’t consider themselves China Chinese… Race vs nationality…. How could war win the people over… Jesus never did… How could China consider Taiwanese brothers and sisters if force is used.. Won’t it mean killing your own? SO is the agenda for land or people… for if Taiwan become part of China but still consider them selves Taiwanese then China would have failed. Identity again… As a Christian … we are not part of this world…. What is our identity in a world which constantly assaults us..? They may take the land and our lives but in our hearts we are Christian..

    More reflection ahead… We talked about Buddhism.

    If we believe that doing good deeds is the way to achieve better life… then how does a tree do good deeds? He explained that if a tree fell on someone, it was a bad deed… the tree by giving fresh air is a good deed. I asked him.. does a tree have a will of its own.? If the wind blows and lighning strikes at an angle, surely, the tree would fall at an angleright? wouldn’t it? 10 out of 10 times. If not it would go against the law of gravity. So he answered that the man had bad karma. ???!!!?? The tree died also… the man died also. Does this mean that the tree was doing a good deed as a matyr to kill the bad man.. Then who makes the judge of morality?

    One thing is certain… God is Lord of all…

    Selah…

    !!!!!!!

    I AM MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TYPED A WHOLE LOAD OF STUFF AND MY PC FAILED>> ForGET IT >>> wasting my time..

    Thursday, October 26, 2006

    What a day..



    Hmmm... thats burnt caramel and revers'O for you.. yumm.. had a sweet tooth craving.. today I ate funny things... Duck feet, Chicken or Pork Liver (3 pieces, large ones ) haha.

    Took some time to spend with Derek, Wayne and Hannah to just play music. It was good but I've come to realise.. music is just music... Inspite of everyone who says I am good at it.. it is but a form. Nothing else.

    That was Tuesday......

    Today however Sat in class to listen to this guy from OMF, Dr Woods.. and he was sharing on Luke and Acts and the aspect of missions.. was sleepy as usually till he spoke about Major Taing Chhirc. The cambodian addressed the world on the plight of cambodia and great guys like Ravi came and sahred the message... And it reminded me of Paul and the macedonian.. fet my heart stirred..

    Then I got back and saw the email from Calvin chong.. I'm in trouble again.. cause I've been alte or a lot of classes... I really want to quite school... Its funny how I should give grace to my small group or those in church who consistently come late.. yet I'm bounded by institutional laws. How? I can;t finish my work and am trapped by this flu... Sigh.. I'm rethinking my path.. cause I may just fail..

    What do I do? quit....

    Monday, October 23, 2006

    RT and thoughts.

    Hmmm. so the PSI has been rising and flucuating.. but still RT, i mean life goes on.. haha.
    I'm glad that I can still train and run.. tired bodies but a joy. Runnng is coming back.. yeh!
    But still got tons of work to do..

    Sigh... I think I might have to change church soon.. some issues are just getting out of hand.. or maybe change the company of friends... very different belief systems.... very.... Sigh..

    I dunno... this whoe charismatic thing I've seen it before, done it before.. the answers are all the same Jesus loves you, God loves you... You are special, you are annointed.. Its divine appointment... Sounds altogether like divination..

    Should I be interested to know my future?... The question is will I be willing to commit my future into God's hands. CHeck out the times when people look for signs.. what did Jesus Say.. People like to read into the bible.. Why not we jsut cast lots like the bible says?

    Serious issues need to be addressed.. signs and wonders? Unless you see signs and wonders you will not belive...
    the thing is belive in what? The pharisees keep asking for signs... How do I know for certainty about my life.. The answer for me is.... God.. and who he is..

    Hesed

    Saturday, October 21, 2006

    Wednesday, October 18, 2006

    Of late...

    Its been a while since I poster... but well... Been really busy these days.. papers and RT... perhaps that sums up all that has been going on... Want to stop it.. but well... Need that strenght..

    Been questioning a lot about prayer... and took sometime out to meditate and welll much answers and thoughts came to mind which I would jcare to elaborate if anyone wants to here. Want to just sit down and do nothing...

    Thursday, October 12, 2006

    BBQ



    I wanted to go to the airport... cause i know i can get work done... Sorry Dajie.. really tried just too tired.

    Anyway... I've been up to a few things this weekend.. First up was the Sec 4E Class BBQ of Westspring Secondary... at Sentosa.. Courtesy of Miss Chan.. It was fun... The youths were very creative... though i had to teach them how to skewer the chicken wings which I eventually did. The food was not bad.. quite cheap too. After the BBQ we sat by watching the kids play games of which I got a good idea on what to do with light sticks. Its going to be so fun..

    Hmmm love bbqs wonder when will be the next one...

    Wednesday, October 11, 2006

    Sigh....

    Most blogs have been depressing and I'm really feeling tired.. As I was prompted to pray on Sunday for an unbeliever... It happened.... the pictures of Cambodia started flooding in... It couldn't stop... But thats still some time off.. need to focus on my parents and my family first.. gosh.. what a long time more.. But I'm going back in December.. I've decided..

    I'm softening my stance too... tonight.. I will break that wall.. melt that wall.. with Grace. Its becoming automatic.. I am convinced by the Love of God.... its the only way. I can't change my past.. I can walk to the future. Mum... I'm going to try...

    My soul waits in silence for God only; From Him is my salvation.
    2He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.
    3How long will you assail a man, That you may murder him,
    all of you, Like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?
    4They have counseled only to thrust him down from his high position; They delight in falsehood;
    They bless with their mouth, But inwardly they curse. Selah.

    5My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him.
    6He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
    7On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
    8 T rust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.

    9Men of low degree are only vanity and men of rank are a lie;
    In the balances they go up; They are together lighter than breath.
    10 Do not trust in oppression And do not vainly hope in robbery;
    If riches increase, do not set your heart upon them.
    11 Once God has spoken; Twice I have heard this:
    That power belongs to God;
    12And lovingkindness is Yours, O Lord, For You recompense a man according to his work.

    psalms 62

    Thank you Father for Hesed..



    Tuesday, October 10, 2006

    Schools and my past

    I spent the day at 2 schools... My old and my new. Its really good to be back at NUS.... the coolness of the night and morning and the quietness. I stayed till they all left...... for home. Strange that it seems but everywhere else but home seems more comfortable. Yah.. so maybe there is aircon and a bed, but peace? there is no substitute. I got my work done quite a bit today.. reading up on the Psalms and all..

    I thought about stuff... perhaps its the idea of grace that intrigues me again. There simply is not grace in my home.. the critical nature abounds... and this is just evident in me. The pride which will never be broken down. I'm hushed... I'm stuck.... sigh. Would it be my fault again? I don't seem to understand. She always complains that she can't and won't dare say things to my brother because he will not take it.. So I get most of the critical side. She complains about the church and all but dare not face them to tell them. SO when its my turn to get cheesed off... she ignores me. In front of others she is fine but infront of me.. that silence just kills me.. and this is perhaps what I do best. I give a cold shoulder. Its so scary.... its so scary.

    Why? I'm behaving just like her... only difference is I'm going to take my stand... just like her.

    Sigh.. I can't give grace and my heart is hardening.... badly.. I want to leave...

    You know its not about the gifts that are important. I don't care if there is no breakfast, I don't care if there is no toys, I don't care if you don't give me gifts. Thats not me. I want grace... I want communication. Can you believe till this day.. I've never spoken much about anything to her. Only to listen to her complain about stuff. Yes that may be your love language... but love is just one language.... I get blamed for not accepting her love language. I am ungrateful....

    I guess I am... let me be then. I give up. I staying put for another day.

    Monday, October 09, 2006

    A tribute to the Chan brothers.







    ok... these pair of brothers are really an interesting bunch.. with a heart for God.. One's noisy and One's silent.. One's and artsy and the other is techy (Though both can certainly draw.
    I've been certainly most blessed by the humility in spirit and earnestness for God.. Keep the zeal going guys.. and you are more similar than you think you are..

    The pain of homelessness

    I'm heading home... I hope soon... I'm heading off.. soon..
    When a home is not a home... it hurts.. Its so much like .... the past.

    I'm just going to walk away this time again... make my point? perhaps not.. I'm always blamed.. And the frustration of things just don't make things better... I'm heading off..

    And you won't find me....

    On prayer

    Prayer is an amazing thing... yet.. the abuse is well all too common.. I think there is a fundamental difference between prayer and demand.. Let me state an example, when one talks about prayer coverage.. what is it about?

    The more prayer the better? Can prayer truly cut into the spiritual atmosphere of the place? People ask for prayer and say its more powerful? or if God answers then prayer is powerful? I've heard it so many times till I am so disgusted about prayer.

    The fundamental thing is.. who is the one with power in this relationship of prayer? I'm not going to stand for reasons that.. "Oh, God is very powerful so he can answer. He loves me, He cares for me." but does he work for you? Is he your wish list. I took quite an offence when people ask the question. Should I ask God for a sign? Should I ask God for an asnwer? YeS! Thats what they said. The irony of it all was Melvin Huang just preached on unanswered prayer. When we pray.. the control and outcome is not on our hands and we should not be expecting it at all. perhaps... this article by Mr Lewis says it all...

    "Work and Prayer (C.S. Lewis)Work and Prayer - C.S.Lewis
    Even if I grant your point and admit that answers to prayer are theoretically possible, I shall still think they are infinitely improbable. I don't think it at all likely that God requires the ill-informed (and contradictory) advice of us humans as to how to run the world. If He is all-wise, as you say He is, doesn't He know already what is best? And if He is all-good won't He do it whether we pray or not?'
    This is the case against prayer which has, in the last hundred years, intimidated thousands of people. The usual answer is that it applies only to the lowest sort of prayer, the sort that consists in asking for things to happen. The higher sort, we are told, offers no advice to God; it consists only of 'communion' or intercourse with Him; and those who take this line seem to suggest that the lower kind of prayer really is an absurdity and that only children or savages would use it.
    I have never been satisfied with this view. The distinction between the two sorts of prayer is a sound one; and I think on the whole (I am not quite certain) that the sort which asks for nothing is the higher or more advanced. To be in state in which you are so at one with the will of God that you wouldn't want to alter the course of events even if you could is certainly a very high or advanced condition.
    But if one simply rules out the lower kind two difficulties follow. In the first place, one has to say that the whole historical tradition of Christian prayer (including the Lord's Prayer itself) has been wrong; for it has always admitted prayers for our daily bread, for the recovery of the sick, for protection from enemies, for the conversion of the outside world, and the like. In the second place, though the other kind of prayer may be 'higher' if you restrict yourself to it because you have got beyond the desire to use any other, there is nothing specially 'high' or 'spiritual' about abstaining from prayers that make requests simply because you think they're no good. It might be a very pretty thing (but, again, I'm not absolutely certain) if a little boy never asked for cake because he was so high-minded and spiritual that he didn't want any cake. But there's nothing specially pretty about a little boy who doesn't ask because he has learned that it is no use asking. I think that the whole matter needs reconsideration.
    The case against prayer (I mean the 'low' or old-fashioned kind) is this. The thing you ask for is either good - for you and for the world in general- or else it is not. If it is, then a good and wise God will do it anyway. If it is not, then He won't. In neither case can your prayer make any difference. But if this argument is sound, surely it is an argument not only against praying, but against doing anything whatever? In every action, just as in every prayer, you are trying to bring about a certain result; and this result must be good or bad. Why, then, do we not argue as the opponents of prayer argue, and say that if the intended result is good God will bring it to pass without your interference, and that if it is bad He will prevent it happening whatever you do? Why wash your hands? If God intends them to be clean, they'll come clean without your washing them. If He doesn't, they'll remain dirty (as Lady Macbeth found) however much soap you use. Why ask for the salt? Why put on your boots? Why do anything? We know that we can act and that our actions produce results. Everyone who believes in God must therefore admit (quite apart from the question of prayer) that God has not chosen to write the whole of history with His own hand. Most of the events that go on in the universe are indeed out of our control, but not all. It is like a play in which the scene and the general outline of the story is fixed by the author, but certain minor details are left for the actors to improvise. It may be a mystery why He should have allowed us to cause real events at all; but it is no odder that He should allow us to cause them by praying than by any other method.
    Pascal says that God 'instituted prayer in order to allow His creatures the dignity of causality'. It would perhaps be truer to say that He invented both prayer and physical action for that purpose. He gave us small creatures the dignity of being able to contribute to the course of events in two different ways. He made the matter of the universe such that we can (in those limits) do things to it; that is why we can wash our own hands and feed or murder our fellow creatures. Similarly, He made His own plan or plot of history such that it admits a certain amount of free play and can be modified in response to our prayers. If it is foolish and impudent to ask for victory in a war (on the ground that God might be expected to know best), it would be equally foolish and impudent to put on a mackintosh - does not God know best whether you ought to be wet or dry? The two methods by which we are allowed to produce events may be called work and prayer. Both are alike in this respect – that in both we try to produce a state of affairs which God has not (or at any rate not yet) seen fit to provide 'on HIS own'. And from this point of view the old maxim laborare est orare (work is prayer) takes on a new meaning. “What we do when we weed a field is not quite different from what we do when we pray for a good harvest. But there is an important difference all the same.
    You cannot be sure of a good harvest whatever you do to a field. But you can be sure that if you pull up one weed that one weed will no longer be there. You can be sure that if you drink more than a certain amount of alcohol you will ruin your health or that if you go on for a few centuries more wasting the resources of the planet on wars and luxuries you will shorten the life of the whole human race. The kind of causality we exercise by work is, so to speak, divinely guaranteed, and therefore ruthless. By it we are free to do ourselves as much harm as we please. But the kind which we exercise by prayer is not like that; God has left Himeslf a discretionary power. Had He not done so, prayer would be an activity too dangerous for man and we should have the horrible state of things envisaged by Juvenal: ‘Enormous prayers which Heaven in anger grants’. Prayers are not always - in the crude, factual sense of the word - 'granted'. This is not because prayer is a weaker kind of causality, but because it is a stronger kind. When it 'works' at all it works unlimited by space and time. That is why God has retained a discretionary power of granting or refusing it; except on that condition prayer would destroy us. It is not unreasonable for a headmaster to say, 'Such and such things you may do according to the fixed rules of this school. But such and such other things are too dangerous to be left to general rules. If you want to do them you must come and make a request and talk over the whole matter with me in my study. And then-we'll see.'
    Perhaps you get what I mean.. prayer knowing that our heavenly father knows best.. and yes... we can trust him..

    Monday, October 02, 2006

    Many thoughts...too many to list


    Hmm.. So What have I been doing... Spending time reading and studying at coffee places... Kinda still deciding on which one is better.. I love the taste of spinellis but starbucks has some pretty good stuff too. And its easier to read at spinellis. Anyway it has been a very intense weekend for me. The question on my mind is on worship and prayer. So many unanswered questions....

    I'm really questioning a lot of stuff... What is enjoying worship? is it really about enjoyment? What is prayer cover? More prayer more powerful? I feel that the Christian faith has gone so shallow, its becoming a one which is focusd on god's love... On solving my tiny issues on this earth. Sigh. Perhaps I can be a Christian and love this world too. A Segmented Christianity. And sigh the interpretation of the word too has gone awry. Why can't we be serious about it? to really think carefully and not inject our own ideas into it. I guess those who have heard me would know what I mean...

    God you are the only one.. the great "I am" not a santa Clause with many names which I call out depending on my circumstance. I want to just trust you alone.. not with answered prayers, not with miracles but a trust based on faith and all that you have done.

    I will worship, with all of my heart
    And I will praise You, with all of my strength
    I will seek You, All of my days
    And I will follow, All of Your ways (echo)

    I will bow down , Hail you as King

    I will serve You, Give You everything
    I will lift up , My eyes to Your throne
    I will trust You , Trust You alone


    I will give You all my worship
    I will give You all my praise
    You alone I long to worship
    You alone are worthy of my praise

    Worship of the living God is essentially an engagement with him on the terms that he proposes and in the way that he alone makes possible. David Peterson