The existence of God and perhaps the foolishness of Christianity

Opening the news papers today, I saw the picture of a child born with two heads, and really thought to myself. Is God involved with this? Take perhaps a very well quote albeit self-centered verse.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How can a God do such a thing? Can the baby say that? or perhaps and intersexual? Another reason perhaps why this God is so tough to believe is, he doesn't reach out to us. I've been taught to study context and this begins to make the verse far worse. David, was a man loved by God and in terms of Joel Osteen Ostentatious wealth, this guy tops it all. Now you wonder why he would say all these things. Yet a poor guy outside Israel, would he say that? Would the baby say that? Many times this verse is also used to make low-self esteemed people feel better. Have they wondered why they were such in the first place? Take another verse.

20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Hmmm. I i do understand this correctly, Many people in their purpose of creating idols is due to the fact that God has not appeared to them. So they try to reach out to God albeit in a rather backward way of creating idols. Is it their fault? God using a failed instrument of the Israelites and the people are being blamed for not knowing God? Whose fault is it anyway? God has not reached out to them and yet they are condemned... How sad. It seems to me more like a God who enforces on fear so that we are forced to believe him....

More disappointments

Some how... its been a very long ride.. one with too many bumps. It's been 6 years since I enrolled in this game called Christianity and church, and really...its no different from any other game played out there. Manipulation, secrecy, lack of communication, red tape, high handedness, excuses, politics, what's the difference? I'm really disappointed.. really. Where should I really go? Mebbe this post would get me out. Because I don't really know how to play this game? I'm 29 this year.. sort of feel that these pass 6 years were wasted. Why make it so hard for missionaries? Its not the difficulty the missionary has to face on the field, but its the difficulty in getting through to the organization, much effort and energy is wasted. Perhaps that is why people don't want to join. I mean.. perhaps they were right in the first place, I shouldn't have stepped in.

In one sense, they view missionaries as special people, yet treated like.. (fill in the blanks) sharing the pride that these missionaries represent the church, do all the things and say that the church is doing all these things there, yet next, the missionaries have to struggle with having to even prove themselves. I mean if you who don't want to be a missionary, and haven't been one. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE THING ABOUT CALLING? OR EVEN PLACING HIDDEN SECRET CRITERIAS? I don't see missionaries doing all that? I don't see them being so cynical and hiding, in fact the reason why people even want to step in to me a missionary is because of encouragement. THE CALL IS OVERATED? the call is usually due to high levels of narcissism, for those who fight it through. Mebbe I should fight to kill the church, then mebbe I would be blinded like Paul and some miracle happen. How did the apostles even become apostles, through some high handed organization, or through seeing the life of Christ. (Its ironic that we should be thought the kingdom but yet we function more as an organization or secret society, like free masonary in its upper echelons, perhaps this is quite true as the ones in the top are the rich and powerful.. money apparantly can buy many things... even religion.) Is the organization to serve the people? I was told that the organization doesn't cater to individuals. yet the funny thing is a certain individual is the one making the decisions. Don't get me wrong before someone says I am not pro-authority and this "rebellious" spirit is from Satan and start needed to dewify me or streamingly cleanse me.

I am disappointed I must say... but perhaps they were right. there is no call, yet I don't see specifics in the calling, I see a strong tug in the heart that is still beating....yet slowly hardening.